


Always

by Pleasekeepthecalm



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Band split, Boys with a lot of feelings, Cheating, M/M, probably pretty inaccurate idk man, so much crying, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 06:08:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2056734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pleasekeepthecalm/pseuds/Pleasekeepthecalm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Probably over dramatic. Spencer and Brendon during the split and the weird relationship/not relationship they don't talk about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always

It starts at the same time all the talking stops. Things are tight and tense and broken in a new way. It's never been amazing, but it's also never been this bad. Spencer starts staying with Brendon because he's afraid to leave him alone. Because Spencer is afraid to be alone too. Things are fucked even if no one will admit it. They can't all be in a room together anymore without tense, awkward feelings bearing down on everyone. Brendon slumps around the apartment with red eyes and damp eyelashes. He fronts and makes shitty jokes with poor humor, too loudly. Things aren't okay anymore. 

The first night it happens Spencer's air mattress gets a hole poked in it. Sort of. Really it's just uncomfortable. It's late when he climbs the stairs and quietly let's himself into Brendon's disaster of a room. "Bren?" he whispers to the blanket covered lump in one corner of the small bed. He pretends that he can't hear Brendon sniffling as he settles into his bed. Brendon just stares at him with big teary eyes from under the covers. Spencer thinks he can actually feel his heart breaking more, if that's possible. Brendon doesn't ask why he's there, or tell him to go away. He just crushes himself to Spencer's side and they lay there holding each other while Brendon cries. Spencer thinks things might not ever be okay again. Brendon is warm and trembling and mostly naked. Spencer tries to ignore that part as he buries his face into Brendon's bare shoulder. He wants to say it'll be okay but he can't bring himself to. It's probably not going to be okay with all of them anymore. 

"We're so fucked Spence, we're so fucked" his voice is broken and high pitched. Spencer's heart aches. 

After that it happens every night. They hold onto each other under Brendon's stupid purple comforter. Sometimes they both cry. And Spencer finds himself stroking his hands across Brendon's back until the tension in him melts away. 

"You don't have to do this you know" Brendon whispers against his cheek one night. 

"What do you mean" Spencer shifts his cheek against Brendon's and traces the space between his shoulders. 

"You could have gone with them" 

"I'm staying" 

They don't talk about their shared bed. Or their shared touches. Spencer tries not to think about it. Brendon needs him. He needs Brendon. Nothing else. Not really. Much. Brendon has a girlfriend. He tries to keep that in mind at night when he's in Brendon's bed, mouthing sleepily at his neck. It might slip his mind when thin fingers catch his chin and pull his lips up to meet another pair. That night Spencer cries while Brendon traces his fingers across the nape of his neck, light as a feather. They won't even talk to Spencer anymore. He cries harder. 

Brendon starts stealing Spencer's shirts. The red eyes dont go away. He holes himself up in his room. Their room. Spencer finds notebooks with scribbled out angry half written songs. He finds ripped up love songs with Ryans name in the scraps. He feels like he's tearing in half. 

"Just give it time" Spencer whispers against the corner of Brendon's lips. Time won't help. It's already done really. His whole band is sitting in this bed now. Brendon doesn't answer. He just kisses him hard, like he wants to forget everything. Spencer doesn't blame him. 

They try to write. Just them. Brendon coils up like a spring with stress. The air mattress goes into the trash. They don't talk about their shared hickies. 

"Can we use the song I wrote for Sarah?" 

Spencer cries that night, alone, until Brendon comes up. He presses kisses to the back of Spencer's ears and leaves a paper covered with chicken scratch under his pillow. "Always" is written in a flourish at the top, lines of lyrics in messy stacks below it. 

They don't talk about it when Sarah leaves too. Spencer just holds Brendon and kisses across his jaw, wet with tears, until they both fall asleep. 

The first time Brendon kisses him outside of their bed is in the studio. Brendon slips his hands into Spencer's back pockets and kisses him with a smile next to the mic stand. Spencer's heart swells. He thinks things are going to be okay. 

They talk that night. They talk for hours and Spencer thinks that Brendon is leaving, ending their shared bedroom and secret kisses. The tension is thick in the air. Brendon kisses him and it melts away. Things are okay. 

[End] 


End file.
